curls grow
by SeulSidle
Summary: After an attack,Peyton must find herself.Who is the real Peyton Saywer?What she wants and what she really needs?Eventually Leyton.
1. Untitled

**Notes:** Thanks to St.Jade and psawyers for the information and help. This is my first OTH fic so be gently with me, okay? Songs by **Janis Joplin**, **B.R.M.C** and **Hell is for Heroes**. Let me know what you think. Sorry for all the mistakes but English is not my native language…so if anyone is willing for some beta work, send me an email.

Curls grow

Rhamiel

_Sit there, hmm, count your fingers._

_What else, what else is there to do ?_

There's it was that stupid song again. She could remember her mother singing it to her when she was just a small, happy, child. So full of life and joy, nothing like the drama queen she was now.

She lost the ability of thinking coherent long ago. Her thoughts were flashes of images. Her mother, a red light turning into Lucas red shirt. An ocean of blood and Brooke standing at the edge of a cliff, waving her goodbye. She was not going anywhere as far as she knew and she wanted to scream at Brooke but her lips were a giant zipper, closed to eternity.

_Oh and I know how you feel_

_I know you feel that you're through._

_

* * *

_

* * *

Much, much later, Haley came to where Brooke was and she sang a song for her. 

_Ah, count your little fingers,_

_My unhappy oh little girl, little girl blue, yeah._

But it wasn't Haley's voice, it was Janis Joplin's one. God, she hated that song. Why she couldn't pull the song out of her head? Over and over again, it drives her crazy.

Maybe she was crazy.

Maybe she was not.

Who could tell?

* * *

Was she alone here? She couldn't see or hear anything but she hoped that someone could be there with her. She just needed someone to be there with her. 

Even if that someone was a fucked up bastard.

* * *

She found her consciousness hours later. She remembered what had happen and where she was. The song wasn't in her mind but a fear was. Fear of what had happen to her. She tried to move but her whole body ached. She tried again but she was tied up. She tried to move all her body and not part of it but she gave up soon after. The pain was too much to handle and she felt drifting off of consciousness once more.

* * *

Her throat was sore and she was so damn thirsty, she could drink the whole ocean if she could. She couldn't feel much of her mouth. It felled as if it was someone else mouth and not hers. The first hours, she could taste the plastic in her mouth but now her sense of taste was numb. 

It was possible for a person to lose the sense of taste? If that thing were out of her mouth, it would be possible for her to taste? Or she had lost that ability for ever? She could feel the water in her mouth or not?

Cold water.

Clean water.

Lot of water.

So damn thirsty.

* * *

She waked up from the nausea. She tried to fight it and she did, for a while. The feeling grown bigger and she knew that if she let herself she would die from chocking. 

Calm thoughts, happy thoughts.

Her first kit of markers.

She was four and she liked to paint her bedrooms walls. Her mother had come, angry as hell, ready to give her a good spank in the ass, only to stop and admired what her four-year old daughter had done.

They never stopped her from painting again.

Her first trip to the Modern Art museum.

The first time she saw Ramones at MTV.

The first time she heard The Clash.

Her first CD.

Calm thoughts, happy thoughts.

_Tie the knot_

_Hang to dry_

_Pull the plug_

* * *

"Honey, mommy is not coming back, okay? I need you to be strong for me, can you do that? I need you as much as you need me. We are together in this," her father had said after her mother's funeral. 

They went to the supermarket a week later to shop. She had never seen her father so lost. He didn't know what to take so she did. She was a small child, carrying milk and detergent. Just a kid, just the perfect little lady.

* * *

"So Peyt, tomorrow is your birthday," her dad said with a smile. 

"Uh huh," eleven year old Peyton was too cool to feel excited about anything.

"So, what do you want?" her dad asked and helped her daughter with the dishes.

"A CD," she gave him another dish to put it in the sink.

"A CD?" he sounded confused. "What kind of present is a CD?"

"The one I want," she heard her dad leave a sigh and smiled.

"Okay, if that's what you want," he didn't sound angry and she thought that maybe he had to be angry with her. After all that what a parent should do but not her dad.

Not after her mother died.

"Which one do you want?" he asked her.

"Um," she never thought of that before, "can we go and buy one together?"

"Yes, but I'm not buying you a Backstreet Boys CD, okay?"

* * *

She stopped feeling her hands and that was a good thing. She remembered the sound her wrist did when it broke. She didn't felt the pain at first, only a burn. The sound was enough to make her want to vomit but a pair of strong hands grabbed her. A low, hard voice asked her to be quiet or else… 

She did as the voice asked.

She stayed quiet while they vandalize her room.

She stayed quiet while they made fun of her music.

She stayed quiet while they cut her curls.

She didn't stayed quiet when they tried to burn her sketches.

That was when she started to fight back.

That was when the real pain came.

That was when she started to hope for someone to come.

But no one came. For her.

No one came.

For her.

_Red eyes and tears no more for you my love I fear_

_Red eyes and tears no more for you my love I fear_

* * *

A person can survive ten days without food. A person can survive three days without water. Then the body shuts down. No miracles for that one. Not a cancer to bit with modern medicine, not a broken hurt to heal with a new love. 

No water, no life.

Simple as that.

And that thought made her happy.

No water, no life, no pain.

Simple as that.

* * *

_"Let me ask you something: if I have a heart attack, do you die too!"_

_"That's… that's really sweet."_

Someone would be extremely happy now.

Dying was…almost nice.

She had thought of death before. She had thought of death a lot of times before. Sleepless nights in her room, when her dad was away. She had thought of dead and she had liked the idea. Dead meant that she would stop missing her mom so much.

She had smile with that thought. Maybe at the end of the tunnel her mother was waiting for her, young and beautiful as the last time she remembered her. Not in the hospital's bed with all those doctors and nurses around her.

No one had come to take her away from there, so she watched her mother dying. It was almost strange, the fact that she knew that her mother wasn't coming back despite the doctor's efforts.

'Sometimes people have to leave' her dad had said to her when Peyton asked him why her mother had to die.

People always leave.

She watched too many of them leaving.

It wasn't a line. It was a fact.

People always leave.

She was ready to leave.

She was ready to die.

Cause dying meant seeing her mother.

And that was the one thought that gave her strength to keep going.

Just…not anymore.

**TBC…**


	2. The story

Notice: All mistakes are mine but if you ask I can give you some. This will be a Leyton story but it will take a while.

"Dad…"

Karen looked up from her book. She felt a pain in her chest every time Peyton asked for her dad but she couldn't do anything about that. All she could do was to be there for her. Giving her water when she asked it, calling the nurses when something wasn't right, holding her hand.

"Dad…" Karen stood up from the chair she was sitting on and went to the bed.

Once again she felt tears in her eyes. She had though that after Lucas accident she could handle everything but Keith's death proved her wrong. And now…now she though that this hospital felt like home. She, Lucas, Peyton, all of them had spent hours in these walls.

"It's okay, honey. Your dad will be here soon," a lie, Karen knew that as much as Larry wanted to be here with his daughter, he was in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and he had two weeks before the nearest port.

"How is she?" Karen turned her head to the door just to see her son standing there. She was angry with him and that was the only reason why Lucas was standing in the door, looking both ashamed and worried.

"Now you care?" Karen said and watched his face change.

"Mom…" Lucas stopped.

His mom had every right to be angry with him but couldn't she see that it was killing him? How he was supposed to know, huh? He had tried to talk to Peyton but she had shut him out. Again and again.

He had asked Brooke and she had said nothing. So, he did the one thing that could do when it came to Peyton. He gave her space and time to come to him. Lucas had learned that Peyton didn't do things with his or with anyone's else for that matter, way. She did things her way or didn't do them at all.

"Listen mom, I know you are angry with me and you have any right to be. I messed up, okay? I messed up. Bad. But you can't deny me that," his voice angry but low, "not when I need to be here."

"It's all about your needs, isn't it?" Karen said but did nothing to stop him from taking a chair and sitting next to the bed.

**12345**

"Nathan, slow down! Nathan!"

Haley looked at her husband, his lips a line, his eyes a darker blue, his body tensed. He was like that three days now, after Luca's phone call. They had tried to change their tickets but they couldn't found another flight for North Carolina.

They stayed in the hotel room, waiting for the phone to ring. They cancelled their trip to Wales, Nathan's secret wedding present for her. They had packed their clothes, leaving outside only the necessary. Despite being with the love of her life, it was the three worst days in Haley's life.

"I had no respect for her as my girlfriend," Nathan whispered and Haley almost didn't hear him.

"What? How…Peyton?" she asked and with a relief she saw that he had slow down.

"Yeah, Peyton. I didn't respect her, back when we were together," Haley wasn't so sure where this confession was heading but she didn't tried to stop him either, "I mean, she's not the…most easy person to be with," he turned to look at her.

"Yeah," Haley said because he expected her to say something.

"But she's…" he tried to find the right words but failed, "anyway, I respect her now and love her but not like I love you," he added fast and gave a quick look to his wife.

"I love you too," that earned her a smile and it was amazing what a little smile could do to her, "You know, I don't know if I could be as strong as her, with the death of her mom, well, moms and all that," he didn't answer back and they drove in silence for a while.

"I don't think that she's strong. She's just Peyton," he said with his baritone voice.

**12345**

"In a large pot of lightly salted boiling water, cook the spaghetti 8 to 10 minutes, until al dente, and drain. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a

medium casserole dish. In a bowl, mix the Romano cheese…uh, shit."

Lucas left down his mother's magazine and put a hand in his hair. Then he shifted, resting his elbow on his knee and watched her. His mom had said that she tended to wake up for few minutes, enough to ask for a drink or just to say something before sliding back to sleep.

He felt such anger looking at her. Anger for the persons that did that to her, anger for himself, for Brooke. He shook his head. Anger couldn't change anything right now, but he sure wanted to find the son of a bitch and kick him 'till he bleed.

"Hey Peyton, can you hear me? I'm…I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I didn't save you this time and, and I really wish I did. It's…I haven't felt this bad since Keith died, you know? And I can't stand it, feeling so...so useless," his gaze felled to the floor and he left a sigh.

He thought of all the times they spent together-especially the last summer when they were just the two of them. He was surprised of who easily he could talk to her for everything. From his feelings for Brooke to the latest basketball game and even if she didn't like the game-or so she said 'cause Lucas had seen her enjoying the game. Like really enjoying the game.

When he looked up he saw that her eyes was open and she was looking at him. Had she heard him or she had just wake?

"Hey Peyton," she closed her eyes and Lucas thought that she had drift back to sleep when her eyes open again and he grinned.

"You want a drink?" his hand already holding the cup with water on the table nearly.

It was an obvious effort for her to lean her head forward and take a sip from the straw, and it was the most painful thing Lucas had ever witness. He knew that she was weak, both from her injuries and from the medication. But she didn't fell into sleep right after and Lucas found himself out of words.

"Uh, mom was here but she left and Mouth will come later. Skillz came but didn't stayed long 'cause Bevin came and she left because Skillz left," he smiled and was glad to see her lip turn into a weak snarl.

"Lucas," her voice was weak and Lucas barely heard her.

"Yeah Peyton."

"Lucas," she said again and that worried him. He was about to say something when he watched her eyes close and once again she was out.

"Peyton? Peyt?" he called her name a few times but she was out of consciousness. He watched her face for a few moments, the awful bruises, and the cut near her chin. He wanted to touch her, hold her but he was afraid of hurting her.

He was ready to kiss her cheek when with the corner of his eye saw someone walking in the room. Brooke. But his girlfriend looked like hell. She was wearing no make up, her eyes were red and puffy, and Lucas doubted that she had any sleep at all.

"Tell me," her voice cracked a little, "Tell me that she's going to be okay 'cause I really, and I mean really need to hear it."

_It's all about your needs, isn't it? _His mom's words came to his mind and he was going to analyze that later but right now he had his best friend lying in a hospital bed and his girlfriend crying her eyes out.

So he did the only thing he could do.

"It's going to be okay Brooke," he hugged her, "Everything is going to be fine."

**TBC…**


	3. The battle of one

**Notes:** Special thanks to **Renee** for her beta work and **Kayla**. Thanks for all the reviews and you know, you can send more. It's fine with me. I used the word 'drugs' five time and that's a personal record. Kudos for me.

When Peyton opened her eyes no one was there, and she was glad for that. It seemed like these days she was never alone. She found it strange, but not very hard to believe that Karen was always by her side… and if Karen wasn't by her side, Lucas or Nathan was.

She tried to remember what had happen and how many days she had been in the hospital, but her mind was foggy from the drugs. Considering that Nathan was back, she figured it must have been at least four or five days.

She missed being alone. Sure she spent a large amount of time with others, but that never changed the fact that she also treasured her alone time. The times when she didn't have to put a smile on her face or pretend to hear things she didn't care to hear in the first place. Socialization was never her forte.

She swallowed hard, her throat still sore, possibly just as sore as it was the first couple of days. She felt light-headed and thirsty. She could reach the cup on the table by her bed, but she was too high from the drugs to really care about anything.

She closed her eyes, hearing the rhythmical beep of the IV monitor. Her whole body was in pain but thanks to whatever drugs she was on, she didn't feel a thing. Actually, she felt the pain, she just didn't give a damn.

The doctors had said she was lucky…again. She knew that they were probably right. She made it with the shooting and she had made it this time too. Twice she had been lucky. They had explained to her that she had a rare blood type. 'The universal donor' they had said, 'but not the universal recipient'. They gave her lots of fluids, said it was to avoid a blood transfusion, but in her current state, it all sounded like gibberish.

After the shooting, her dad had made her go and give some blood…just in case. He didn't want to think about what would happen if the hospital didn't have the blood that she needed. So, a month after she was out of the hospital, even though she knew she shouldn't, she went and gave blood.

She had never thought of blood until that time. She had thought a lot about cancer though, and she drove her gynecologist crazy with her questions. At the end, he had told her that she had to learn to live with that fear but not let the fear 'live' with her.

Fucked up doctors and their riddles of life.

Peyton opened her eyes, the need for water too much for her to ignore any longer. She tried to reach the cup but she was too tired to lift her arm. She tried again anyway, too stubborn to give up. After her third attempt, she was too exhausted to stay awake any longer and sleep took her once again.

The next time she woke up, Haley and Lucas were talking quietly, but Haley's expression hinted that the conversation would be a lot louder if it was outside the hospital. Peyton watched them for a minute, too drugged out of her mind to pay any real attention, until Haley noticed that she was awake.

"Hey Peyton," she said quickly, not giving Lucas time to answer back.

"Ready for another round?" Lucas joked, hiding his disappointment behind that joke and helped her with the water. After she took few swallows, she turned her head and Lucas pushed the straw away and removed it.

"Thanks," her voice unfamiliar even to her own ears. "You're back," her words slurred and slow. It might have taken every once of strength for her to talk, but she was determined to speak anyway.

"They've been here a couple of days now Peyton, don't you remember talking with Nathan?" Lucas gave Haley a worried look before turning his attention back to Payton, "You talked with him not even six hours ago—"

"Luke, calm down, okay?" Haley tried to hide a smile but couldn't. It was such a Lucas thing to over-analyze everything that she had to smile. She could easily guess what he was thinking, but she didn't have to because Lucas by vocalized his worries.

"Hales it could be brain damage," and Haley rolled her eyes at that.

"Or it could be the fact that she's in outer space," he looked at her like she was an idiot and Haley let out a sigh, "Drugs Luke! You remember the nice lady with the green dress, carrying a syringe? She's called a 'nurse' Luke and that syringe was full of drugs."

"I still think…" and once again Haley shut him up.

"Look at her pupils," and when he didn't Haley gave him a nasty look, leaving Lucas no choice but to bend and look at Peyton's eyes, and Haley did the same.

"Peyton, your eyes are green," Haley said after a while and Peyton offered a weak smile.

"Seventeen years now," she looked at Haley and then Lucas. He wasn't surprised and the only reason for that was that two years ago he had said the same thing to her. Of course, back then, Peyton gave him the finger and stormed out of the library, leaving a speechless Lucas behind.

"I always thought that your eyes had that 'all color-no color' color."

"And what color is that exactly?" Peyton asked as Lucas smirked.

"Answer her, Hales."

"You are the artist here Peyton, you know what I mean."

"What did they do to me?" Peyton asked after a while. No one was prepared for that question. They knew that at some point questions would be asked, but they didn't expect to be the ones to answer those questions. Haley looked at Lucas but all he did was look back at her.

"What did they do to me?" Peyton asked again, this time her voice a little louder.

"Peyt-" Lucas didn't want to upset her and there was no way for that not to happen if they told her what they knew.

"They hit you, tide you up and left you to die," Haley raised her hand to stop any protest coming from Lucas, "The police found you two days later. They came searching for you because your car was involved in a hit and run."

Swallowing hard Peyton asked, "The house?"

"They took everything they could sell Peyton," sensing Peyton's next question she added, "Most of your CDs and few of the vinyl's. The police think it was an organized action."

"Did they…" her voice cracked and she had to fight to find her it again "Did they...?"

"No!" Haley said at once and Lucas once again felt anger run through his veins. Those animals hadn't raped her, not physically at least, but what about mentally? What about when she started to remember? What about then?

"Get out," her voice barely above whisper.

"Peyton—"

"Get the fuck out."

And they did. Haley was the first to leave and Lucas followed her shortly after.

"What the hell was that?" he asked.

"If it was you, wouldn't you want to know?"

"Haley, I…" he let the sentence hang before shaking his head and walking away, leaving her standing there. Maybe she was right. She was probably right, but he couldn't accept that. Not now. Not when he had seen the empty look in Peyton eyes.

12345123451234512345

She was sleeping. She looked so small with all the medical equipment around her. And she looked tired, like she had run a marathon under the hot, summer sun. She had lost weight; Brooke could see that from where she was standing.

Not that Peyton needed to lose weight. She was so damn thin already. The girl could eat, a lot. She could eat a bucket full of cheeseburgers and still not gain a pound. If Brooke did the same…well, she would never do the same. P.Saywer and her metabolism.

Standing at the door, not daring to go closer, not after the last time. Peyton had woken up when Brooke was in the room and went nuts, screaming at her to go away, pulling her IV out of her hand.

Nathan had joked, an attempt to break the tension, saying something about 'the emo who went screamo' but Brooke knew then that it was all over. Their friendship was over, because as much as Brooke wanted to be there for Peyton, Peyton wanted nothing to do with Brooke.

And despite what Lucas said, it wasn't because of the traumatic experience or because of the drugs. Peyton didn't snap at everyone, just at Brooke and that meant something. Right now, that meant that Brooke had to watch her best friend sleeping from a distance.

But Brooke was determined to do better than that.

**TBC…**


	4. A time to be so small

**Notes: **Special thanks to my beta, Renee. You are more than a beta and you know it! I'm a feedback Brooke, I mean bitch so make my day and send me a review or two, okay?

**Warning: S4 spoilers**.

"We need to buy you a new bed," Peyton rolled her eyes and bit her bottom lip, trying desperately to prevent a sarcastic comment from leaving her mouth. Larry Sawyer had never been a man of few words, always talking about his feelings and always sitting his daughter down to do so. Peyton, who was the type to keep her emotions buried deep inside of her, had dreaded those conversations.

But now her father couldn't seem to get a complete thought out. He was constantly talking in circles, trying to avoid telling her about the attack, always insinuating that it happened but never actually saying it. This new found 'ability' her father had was driving her absolutely crazy.

He had been like this since she had woken up, but she was being discharged today, and all morning his words had been even more arcane than usual…at least he was trying to be that way, that catch was, Peyton already knew what happened to her, she could fill in the missing parts of his statements, but she didn't.

She choose to play dumb, partly to see how long he could keep up the charade and partly to watch him squirm while trying to find an answer, it might've been cruel, but there was no reason for her father to treat her this way, like she was still a little girl.

"Because the old was what? I mean, it seemed just fine to me." Her tone was harsh and she waited, but he didn't answer her. It was almost funny, the fact that he, as well as Nathan and Lucas, had tried to hide the truth from her…almost.

At one point, she had been ready to ask them exactly how she wound up in the hospital, she planned on throwing a fit until they told her. If she had done that then there wouldn't be anymore walking on broken glass when they were around her, no more dancing around the truth, maybe then things could go back to normal, or as close to normal as possible.

But she hadn't asked that, instead she had bitten her tongue and looked away.

Larry couldn't help the sigh that escaped his lips. Peyton's patience was nonexistence these days. His daughter was known to have a temper, but most of the time she hid it. He could count on one hand how many times she had lost control, but over the last few days that had changed.

"I'll go see if Karen has the car ready," he said, doing his best to avoid an argument with her.

If she was surprised by that she didn't show. The last two weeks, Karen was like her guardian angel. Peyton had laughed bitterly with that thought. Her guardian angel that didn't guard her at all. The thought surfaced in her mind, but deep inside she knew that Karen wasn't the one to blame.

Neither was Brooke or Lucas for that matter. When Lucas had called her and asked her to stay away from him for a few days, she had respected his wish. After all, he did have the right to try and salvage his relationship with Brooke.

And eventually she was going to have to face the face that she was nothing more to him than a friend. Not a good one either. How could she be a good friend when she didn't want him to be just her friend? She wanted more from him. In fact, she wanted him.

For her.

Only for her.

Peyton watched her dad talking with some doctors on his way out. She had been a bitch to him but she couldn't stop herself. It was like everything he said or did was a red flag to her. And it wasn't like that with only him. Yesterday she had snapped at Haley for something so unimportant that she couldn't remember it two hours later.

A psychiatrist had come to see her. The hospital's shrink was a standard precaution for that type of situation. He didn't ask her questions like she expected. Instead, they talked about the attack and Peyton confessed that she remembered most of it, but asked him not to tell anyone. She didn't need or want their pity.

"What about their love and worry, I suppose you don't need that either?" he had asked her and Peyton looked at him for a minute before asking him to leave her alone.

Peyton sat up. Very slowly. Her back was hurting like hell with every movement and she felt like she was going to split in half. She wasn't well enough to be out of the hospital, but she couldn't stay another night in the damn place…there were too many bad memories.

Feeling dizzy, she took few deep breaths and tried to relax. The tenser she was the worse she hurt, and she was extremely tense. She had stopped taking the pills despite the arguments with her doctor. She wanted to feel the pain, needed to feel it just to know she was alive.

Feeling like she had spent an eternity lying in a hospital bed, Peyton decided that she had enough. Very slowly, she put her feet to the floor and tried to stand up. Her knees were weak and she was forced to sit back down. Taking a deep breath, she tried again and this time she succeeded staying up for few seconds before collapsing into two powerful arms.

"Damn, Sawyer. What are you trying to do, huh? Kill yourself?"

"No, just trying to walk," she was weak after her little adventure and her voice showed that, "what are you doing here Nate? Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

"Your dad said you were going to be released today, so I skipped school for you," he smiled but inside he cursed as he took in her appearance.

How much weight she had lost? He had felt her bones through her clothes. Looking closer he could see that her cheekbones were sunken in and her collarbone was protruding sharply from under her skin.

"If you didn't skip school on every little occasion, I would feel special."

"I guess," Nathan was glad to see her smile, "Besides, school is no fun without you there."

"Haley dropped out of high school?" She looked at him for a moment before adding, "Again?"

"That was low Sawyer," he tried to look angry, but he laughed. A few months ago, he wouldn't have laughed, but now he was just glad that he could, and that she could as well.

"You look like shit," Peyton said and Nathan looked at her with surprise. Was it that obvious that he was still trying to deal with everything…the car accident, Cooper's death and her beating.

_Peyton had been beating…almost to death. Peyton's dead. NO! She's alive. Peyton is alive. Not dead….she's not dead. She'll be fine…she's going to be just fine._

Nathan couldn't stop the unpleasant thoughts from trampling around in his head.

With Cooper's death, the last thing he needed to hear was that he had almost lost Peyton too.

Sure she was alive, and the doctor's said that she would eventually be just fine, but Nathan couldn't get the image of Peyton lying cold and alone on her bed, the life literally beaten out of her.

He had fabricated the image in his own mind, but it still seemed so real, and he couldn't stop seeing it, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how many times he reminded himself that Peyton had made it, that she was alive…that image of her body stretched lifelessly across the blood stained mattresses haunted him.

"Hey, Nate? You okay?" she asked when she saw the lost look in his eyes.

"Wh-What?"

"Are you okay? You look a little pale."

"And what are you then?" He closed his eyes right after that. Peyton didn't need his attitude or his problems, "I'm sorry Peyt. I just…I could have lost you too and I don't think I can bear to lose another person…I can't bear to lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Peyton said and then, trying to ease the tension in the room, she pointed at the wheelchair next to her bed, "Not without you, that is."

This time, Nathan gave a genuine smile, nothing hidden behind it.

**12345123451234512345**

"Is this seat taken?" Haley asked Brooke and sat down when the other girl shook her head.

Haley had been watching Brooke and she didn't like that the new broody brunette. Broody was a Lucas or a Peyton thing to do, not Brooke's. Of course all of them had changed throughout the years, Nathan being the perfect example of that, but Brooke was always a cheerful person.

It was part of her charm and Haley was jealous of that. 'When the things get tough, the tough keep going'. That was Brooke. Optimism to Peyton's pessimism. It was then that Haley suddenly realized what was wrong with Brooke.

She was out of balance. Brooke and Peyton were like two parts of a circle. The ying and the yang without the sexual thing. They completed each other in a strange…in a very strange and very weird way.

"Have you seen Peyton today?"

"Please tell me you didn't just ask me that," Brooke started to play with her bottle of water, pulling the label out.

"Brooke, she's just confused. You know Peyton better than anyone, okay? She probably needs time," Haley said and took a bite of her homemade sandwich.

"What she probably needs right now is to see my head on a plate."

"Wait, did you pay attention in class today?" Haley asked with a mouthful of food, attempting to lighten to mood. She raised her eyebrow when Brooke gave her a nasty look, "What?"

"Have you ever felt like, you did something to solve a problem, only to realize that the problem is still there, only bigger?"

"Can you be any _more_ specific?" Haley joked but something in Brooke's eyes said to her that things were more serious than she thought.

"Brooke, did something happen between Peyton and you?" When she didn't get an answer she tried to approach the subject differently, "Is this uh, problem, is it an old problem or a new one?"

"An old one, a really old one," Brooke said after a while.

"Oookay," Haley bit her lip, "And it's still there? Even after, you know, the right thing you did?"

"Yeah," Brooke sighed deeply, "It's always there, with or without Pe..the right thing I did."

"Maybe the solution is not the problem. Maybe the problem is the real…you know, problem," Haley tried to explain but failed. This whole thing was more complicated than the Gordian knot, "I can't tell you what to do but, talk to them. Talk to both of them."

"I talked to one part of the problem," Brooke admitted.

"And?" Haley took a sip from her orange juice.

"And since yesterday Lucas and I, well let's just say there isn't a 'Lucas and I' anymore," Haley spitted orange juice all over the table.

"I've got my spine, I've got my orange crush," Brooke whispered before leaving Haley alone, and, oddly, Haley found herself thinking when Brooke had started to recite R.E.M

God, when will things stop being so freaking complicated?

**TBC…**


	5. Unfortunately,We're not Robots

**Notes:** Co-writing with BroodyBlondes4ever.I'm a feedback Brooke, I mean bitch so make my day and send me a review or two, okay?

**Warning: S4 spoilers**.

Haley was a woman on a mission. And thanks to Peyton, she now knew that she had to go after the things she wanted, not simply wait. She needed to find Luke and have a talk with him. What the hell had happen? Before the wedding everything was fine. Brooke and Peyton were talking to each other, Lucas had a girlfriend and someone that he could talk to, but now he had none of the above. Peyton and Brooke didn't want anything to do with each other, although to Brooke's credit, she had gone to the hospital plenty of times. Even if she never made it past the waiting room, she had at least put forth an effort.

So, Haley was a woman on a mission and the mission was to find Luke, he was the only one who might have an inkling as to what on earth was going on…the only problem was that Lucas was nowhere to been found. She had search the whole school for him but it was like he had vanished into thin air. Just when she was ready to call it a day, a blonde flash caught her eye.

She wasn't sure if it was Lucas or not, since she had seen nothing more that a flash of blonde hair but when she looked inside the classroom it was him.

"About time," she whispered, stopped for a moment before going in and taking a good look inside. The art room! What was Lucas doing here?

"Hey orange crush, I was looking for you," she said loudly but still managed to scare him.

"Hey Hales," he frowned like he always did.

"What are you doing here?"

"Thinking," he sat in a chair and looked at a painting on the wall, "I screwed up, didn't I?"

"Yeah, if that thing up there is yours," he grinned, but Haley didn't give him a minute to stay relaxed, "I talked with Brooke, you know."

"Then you know too," he said angrily.

"I know nothing, Luke! I'm your best friend and I don't know a thing," Haley stood up and tried to calm herself. As much as she loved Lucas, she hated his habit of hiding things from her, "I had to learn it from Brooke, Lucas! I learned it from Brooke. We ate together last night and you had your mouth shut!"

"I couldn't tell you, alright?" he yelled and Haley looked at him with a mix of fear and surprise, "I tried to tell it to you, but I couldn't."

Haley rolled her eyes and walked to the window near her. So many things and so little time to process any of them. She felt like she was left behind and had to run to catch up with everything. She was exhausted and didn't know if she could do any more running.

"Why did you and Brooke break up?"

She waited for a long hour before he finally answered her question, "We kissed."

"By 'we' you don't mean Brooke and you."

"No, I mean…Peyton and I," hearing Haley curse made him he feel like he had to defend them somehow, "It wasn't like that Hales, Okay? We didn't go behind Brooke's back or anything like that. She was bleeding Hales, probably she thought she was going to die and she kissed me. Peyton kissed me and I didn't pull back."

"Lucas," Haley inhaled deeply because she didn't like what she was about to say and she definitely didn't want to be the one to say it, "you have to figure out what you really want, what you really need because Luke, you are a good guy but you hurting people around you."

Before he had the time to say anything, not that Haley believed that he could actually respond to her after that, she turned on her heel and left him alone with his thoughts.

**123451234512345**

Nathan was watching with worry written etched all over his face as Larry put Peyton to bed. He looked at Karen but she shook her head and nodded down the hall, gesturing for them to give the father and daughter their privacy.

After they left the hospital, they stopped by Karen's Café for a quick bite that turned out to be his mother's chicken soup. Nathan didn't miss much from his parents' house but he did miss a few things, like his mother's soup. Haley wasn't much of a cook. She did awesome salads but a man cannot survive eating rabbit food forever.

His mother was acting a little strange but soon he had forgotten about her and his attention was once again to Peyton. She looked like she was in some serious pain but she had rejected the painkiller that her dad had tried to give to her.

They go their food to go since it was obvious to everyone that Peyton was about to collapse. Nathan had to give her credit, she fought it hard and for a long time, but like him when he had just gotten out of the hospital, exhaustion overtook her and she fell asleep on the ride home.

"Sleep is good. Sleep will make her feel at least a little better," he had murmured to no one in particular although Karen nodded.

"How's your arm Nathan?" Karen asked him getting ready to pour some coffee into a **MOTORHEAD** cup. One side of the cup had a small crack, but Karen didn't know if it was okay to throw it away or not.

"I have a **Batman** cup," Nathan said when he saw what she was looking at. He got up and headed over to the cabinet, pulling out a well used cup and setting it down in front of Karen. "It's old and the color's worn off but I love it. Hales wanted to throw it away but I didn't let her. That cup, it's like a piece of home and I felt like I had a part of my old home in my new home." He shrugged as he sat back down.

"What is about boys and the Batmobile? Luke had one cup like that too. I swear, when I broke it he didn't speak to me for eight days," Nathan smiled and took a sip from his coffee.

"My mom," he cleaned his throat, "Was she a little weird today?"

"She has too many things in her head right now Nathan. With your uncle's death, me being almost like the invisible person, it's a miracle that she's still running the place."

"Invisible woman," Nathan corrected her and she laughed and said something 'about boys and comic heroines' which he didn't quite understand, "Besides, she knows that you are away for a good reason. With Peyton's dad here things will be different."

"Starting right now. I put the soup in the fridge if Larry asks, fresh coffee is here," she looked few around a few times to see if there was more she could do, but she found nothing. "Okay, I'm going to give your mom some time off."

"Yeah, I'm going to stay a little longer and then I'll head out too," Nathan said as he walked her to the door.

Opening the door for her, he came face to face with the last person he expected to see. He was so sure that after the last time, Brooke would choose to stay back and, for once, she would have every right.

"Hey," Brooke said avoiding Karen's eyes.

"Hey Brooke," Karen gave a small nod but didn't smile the way she usually did, and she didn't say anything else before she walked out of the house.

"Brooke," Nathan stood between the door and Brooke like he was a club's security gaurd, "What are you doing here?"

"What's that Nate? Playing bad cop on me now?" She tired to seem irked, but from her voice he could tell she was joking and Nathan relaxed.

"No, just…you know."

Brooke's eyes picked up a hint of sadness for a moment and for a second she wished it was Lucas in front of her and not his little brother. She needed a hug and a shoulder and she was sure that she couldn't turn to Nathan for that. She couldn't compete with an ex-girlfriend and a presently best friend. She couldn't help but wondered if she and Lucas would became as good friends as Peyton and Nathan had became.

"I didn't want this to happen," she said as she sat on the steps of the porch, lying her bag in the spot between her feet.

"Who said you wanted that?" Nathan sat near her but not quite next to her. A move that didn't go unnoticed from Brooke and caused her to shut her eyes tightly in an attempt to prevent her eyes from betraying her and revealing the pain she was feeling, the pain Nathan had just managed to add on to.

"No one," she watched the road for a minute or two, "I feel like I caused it, Nathan. With all this negative energy…"

"Brooke, I'm not sure if my brother ever told you this, but you really need shut up," he couldn't help but laugh when he saw the utter shock on her face, "Apparently, he didn't. But that's not the point. You sound like a crazy person. It's like you think you have some kind of a secret, super power that turns wishes into reality. You didn't cause any of this."

"Does the ability to destroy relationships count as a super power?" she asked him after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah, totally."

"Do I get a code name too?"

"Bitchy Bitch?" he offered as he stood up. It was time to go but he wanted to ask if they wanted anything before he left, "You coming in?"

"No, go on. I'll stay here for a while," he gave her a worried look, "I'm okay Nathan. Bitchy Bitch needs some time to think."

_She probably won't like whatever she thinks, but Bitchy Bitch needs to do it anyway. _Brooke thought to herself before furrowing her brows and realizing she was starting to sound like Chris Keller. _Ew!_

**123451234512345**

It was still early, not even eight o'clock but Peyton was already asleep in her dad's bed. Thankfully, she had taken her damn pills without an argument, much to Larry's surprise.

After Nathan left, she had slept for over five hours, waking up for half hour to eat something before falling asleep again. When she had woken up, she ate a little and stayed in bed, watching TV shows and the news.

The difficult part was when she asked for a bath. She smelled like antiseptics and sweat. The nurses had given her sponge baths but Peyton had the need to feel water running to her skin. Her dad warned her that they only way she was going to have a bath was if he gave her one.

At once, Peyton's temper took the best of her and started to yell at him but her yells were to vain. Finally, after half an hour of screams, Peyton accepted the fact that if she was going to take a bath, her father would be there too.

They put a nylon bag around her broken wrist, to avoid running water over the bandage. Peyton felt tears of embarrassment spring to her eyes when her dad helped her take off her clothes and she avoided looking at him. Larry, on the other hand, didn't care about that. His only worry was not to hurt her.

When he heard the first sob, he continued as he had. He put some shampoo on his palm and he gently washed Peyton's hair. It took him a while to understand that Peyton wasn't crying because she was embarrassed.

"Oh, Peyton! Oh, baby!" he hug her, not carrying for the running water or the foam in his eyes.

Hours later, Peyton was sleeping and Larry was nursing a glass of scotch when the doorbell rang. It couldn't be one of Peyton's friends, most of them had called or visited already.

All of them except Brooke.

Larry had seen her at the hospital and today, talking with Nathan outside the house but for some reason, Brooke avoided them like the plague. And it wasn't only Brooke's strange behavior but Peyton's as well. At first, Larry thought that Peyton's angry words against Brooke were part of her nerves, but now he was sure that something bigger was beneath.

Opening the door, he was greeted by Whitey's bitter face.

"Sawyer, I like your daughter. She has character and style. But she didn't get them from you-"Larry cut him off quickly

"If you came here to say what a screw up father I am, don't bother Coach. I already now," Larry moved and let Whitey walk inside.

"I'm not _only_ here for that," Whitey said and taking the took the liberty of pouring himself a drink from the open bottle, "I'm here to offer you a job. And if you are half as smart as your daughter, you will accept it."

**TBC…**


	6. The secret's In the Telling

**Notes:** Co-writing with BroodyBlondes4ever. The good part is about to come so keep reading, okay? And leave a review or two. It's nice to know what you people think or hate.

**Ten days later.**

_I sold part of my soul…just to see a smile on my dad's face. I sold a part of myself last night…and I'd do it again in a heartbeat._

"Peyton, honey, the movie is about to start," Larry went into his daughter's room carrying a large bowl of popcorn. The first few days out of the hospital all that Peyton did was to sleep, but thankfully, for the last couple of days she had been more energetic. She slept less, spent more time checking her CDs and vinyl, and she spoke to the younger Scott a lot.

Larry would like to think of himself as an open-minded parent. He hadn't always been like that, but after Anna's death, he had to be. When Peyton went to her first Mass, wearing a beautiful white dress, looking like a little angel with her curly hair and hazel eyes, he was so sure that he would kill every boy that went near her. His wife had joked about how protective he was over his daughter, but then Anna had died and for a long time, there were no jokes or laughter in the Sawyer house. His mother had come but at the end of the day, it was him and Peyton. Larry soon discovered that being a parent was a difficult thing but being a single parent it was even harder.

He watched his daughter grow overnight. She may have been too young to understand most of the things going on around, her but she immediately understand that mommy wasn't coming home. A month or two after the funeral, Peyton stopped playing with her dolls. Larry didn't have to ask her why, he knew. Dolls were kids' toys and his daughter wasn't a kid anymore.

At first, he was happy about her obsession with music. She could spend hours listening to his old record collection. Led Zeppelin soon became a part of their house. What cookies were for other houses it was the Zeppelin for theirs.

Then Peyton discovered MTV and he was glad that he could leave her for an hour, to do some shopping, sure that she wouldn't move. And as a father, he was so ecstatic when she came home one day wearing a '**RAMONES**' t-shirt, because he knew that boys wouldn't go for the punk-rock style and he would had one less thing to worry about.

However, the boys came anyway. Apparently, punk rock was the new cool thing in town, and his little music guru became a rock'n'roll queen.

"Peyt?" he asked a little louder and he wondered if he was going to ask her to keep her music lower when he saw her.

She was sitting, legs crossed, in the bed and holding a photograph of them. She wasn't even four in that picture and he had a god-awful moustache, but he was sure that Peyton wasn't looking that photo for fashion bloopers.

"Hey honey," he smiled when she looked up.

"I…I think I remember when this was taken. You know, except for the porn moustache, you look good," her middle finger touched the face of her mother, "She's so in love."

"Yeah," Larry set the bowl down and sat next to her.

"Do you miss her?"

"Every single day," suddenly there was a lump in his throat and tears threatening in his eyes.

Peyton hung her head, "I miss her too. I don't remember her much but the few memories I have…I'm glad of them."

"Peyton…"he started to say but he closed his mouth quickly. It wasn't everyday that his daughter talked to him.

"If you knew what was going to happen but you couldn't do anything to change things, would you still do it? Would you still marry her and everything?"

"You should have asked me if I wanted more time with your mom. Did I want more time with her? Yes, I wanted more with Anna. I wanted her to see you grow, to dress you for your first date, to be next to me taking pictures on your graduation day," he stopped to take a big breath, "But I'm grateful for the time I had…with her."

"That doesn't answer my question" she looked at him.

"Yes I would still marry her, because even though I would have loved to give your mom more time, I would have missed out on the great experiences the two of us had together, and I wouldn't have you."

_You can spend half your life knowing you're strong enough to stand alone and all it takes for that knowledge to fall down into pieces in front of you is a second._

_Just one second. And it hurts so much. It hurts so much and all you can do is...nothing. But I guess that's how you know you getting older. To know your limits and your weaknesses._

_To know them well._

_Even if they leave you wondering, because otherwise, you spend half your life in lies._

"Tomorrow is your first day back to school, right" a sound that Peyton could describe as someone biting an apple echoed through her ear. She rolled her eyes. Trust Nathan to eat while speaking on the phone.

"Why Nate? You gonna throw me a 'welcome back' party?"

"What if we do, Sawyer? What will you do? Run away?" he was only joking but his words hit home. Her back wasn't strong enough to support her weight and standing was a living hell for her. Sitting was less trouble but she couldn't sit for more than an hour straight without her back sending her a warning signal.

Lying on her back was the only time she could get some rest. It was a bit strange and the first days she had trouble sleeping on her back. A couple of times, in her sleep, she had tried to change position only to wake up from the sharp pain.

"Not an option. At least for a few months."

"So, no Ms. Long Legs for the rest of the season?"

"Huh?" The blonde wrinkled her brow in confusion, was she supposed to understand what he was saying.

"Never mind. Look, Hales is here so I have to go, okay?"

"Yeah, go take care of your wife," she saw her dad going to the kitchen, holding a big bag full of groceries "and I have to take care of the man of my life. Tell Hales that I miss her."

"Peyton, if you have missed us, you would let us visit you not just talking on the phone with you. See ya tomorrow, alright?" Nathan said just before hanging up.

They hadn't understood that decision of hers. In a way, neither had she. She wanted her friends with her, but at the same time she wanted to be alone. To her surprise, Nathan was the most willing to accept her decision unlike Lucas.

He would call, every day, and they could speak for hours. Married life was harder and sweeter than he had thought. They talked about the accident too but never about what happened to her. It was like nothing ever happened at all. Nathan had tried, she had to give him credit for that, but Peyton would change the subject or pretend that the vicodin had kick. She knew what happened, she didn't need anyone to refresh her memory.

"Did you hear me, Peyt?" so lost in her thoughts she didn't notice her dad coming into the living room or a word of what he had said.

"No, I was…thinking. Sorry," he smiled and Peyton knew that smile too well. It meant that her dad had done something bad and he was smiling his way out. "Dad?"

"Lucas is coming for dinner," Larry said and then prepared himself for the oncoming burst.

"Why?" was all that she said and Larry raised an eyebrow.

"I met him at the grocery store and he kept asking for you."

"That's all?" Larry released an angry sigh.

"Peyton, he cares about you. For the rest of the word that's enough but obviously, not for you. Go change, he'll be here in ten minutes," he was ready to leave when Peyton stopped him.

"You're right and I'm sorry. It's just that…I don't want him to see me like this," her hand touched the right side of her face, the one with the bruises.

"Honey, Rake Boy loves you for you, not for your face," he kissed her forehead and went to the kitchen.

"Rake Boy loves me, just not the way I want him too," Peyton whispered and looked down to the floor.

_I don't have many expectations from others because that way I can't get hurt. But the few I do have…_

**TBC…**


	7. New Eyes Open

**Notes:** Sorry for the delay but real life is a bitch, as we all know.So am I...a feedback bitch,that is.

_I o__ften dream of a door. Sometimes the door is grey, other times the door is green or red. But the door is always half closed…or half open, depending on the way you see things. So the door is half-closed but I can see few things inside. I see my mom and my dad smiling, sometimes I see myself, riding a red skateboard. I never had a red skateboard; I had a cracked black one. A few times I've even see Haley with Nathan. They're happy and smiling, just like everyone else. And every time, I really want to be in there with them._

_I start walking and as I get closer, the door starts to close. And when I'm two feet away, the door has shut and no matter how hard I try, it won't open. At first, I wanted the door to be open so I can go and join them but not anymore. Now I just want the door to be closed from the beginning, that way I'll never see what's inside._

_I just want the door to be closed...to stay closed. _

"So, tell me again what are we doing here, dawg?" Skillz asked Lucas for the third time. They had been in the same CD store for the past twenty minutes and although Skillz loved Lucas…he wasn't sure he loved him enough to miss lunch.

"I told you, I want to buy Peyton a CD," Lucas didn't even look up from the stack of CDs he was looking through. When Peyton's father had asked them to come for dinner, he had stand still and watched the older man leave. Couple of hours ago, Larry had stopped by the café and asked Lucas to join him and Peyton for dinner one night. Sure Lucas wanted to see Peyton, but he wasn't sure if she wanted to see him. But he figured even if she didn't want to see him, she would love to hear the new album by The Killers, and that's why he and Skillz were now hunting around the store. The only problem was, some guy had just bought the last copy of the album before Lucas had the chance.

Lucas knew that he was late and having Skillz ask him the same question over and over again added to his already tense nerves. He tried to think what of Peyton would like to hear but the answer to that question was never easy. Who knew for sure what kind of music Peyton was into these days?

"What about that?" Skillz offered to help and Lucas laughed when he saw what Skillz was holding.

"She's not dead, man. Although, I really doubt that she would listen to this even if she was dead."

"Just buy somethin'. I'm starving," Skillz said but his gaze fell to a girl wearing the tightest jeans he had ever seen.

Lucas on the other hand was so into his search that he didn't take notice of the girl eyeing him from head to toe. He didn't pay attention to Skillz comments either because he had found the perfect gift for Peyton. It was their secret…well, it wasn't a secret but not many knew about that Peyton had a thing for boys wearing makeup, so when he looked into David Bowie's androgynous face he knew that he had found what he was searching for.

He was glad to see that despite the double CD and the bonus DVD, the price was still low enough, allowing him to buy something else if he wanted to. He took a look at the time and decided that the only thing he was going to buy was flowers on his way to Peyton's house. Lucas paid for the CD, and even though he doubted it would happen, he made sure Peyton could exchange the CD if she had it already or if she didn't like it.

"Oh, man. We're so late," Lucas said as he and Skillz headed out to his car.

"So," Skillz said after a couple of minutes in silence, "You and skinny girl," he left his phrase open, waiting to see what would Lucas say, or if he would say anything at all.

"What?" Lucas looked at him for a second before turning his attention back to the road, "You asking me if Peyton and I are together? Dude, we're not. Okay? I love Brooke. I love her Skillz."

"Hey dawg, don't jump at your man here a'ight?. You say ya love Brooke and I believe ya, okay?"

"Yeah," Lucas let out a heavy sigh, "I just wish she would believe me too."

Skillz said nothing in return. He watched Brooke and Lucas and he watched Peyton and Lucas…to him the latter connection was more than obvious, but it was Luke's decision not his. If Luke said he loved Brooke, Skillz would accept his friend's word.

"You gonna win her back?" he asked when Lucas parked outside the Sawyer house.

"Yeah, I'm gonna…I'm gonna win her back, yeah. But things are all weird right now, with Peyton's attack and all that. I'll give Brooke some time to calm down, you know? She's taken this really hard Skillz," they both stepped out of the car and walked quickly fast to the house. All day the sky was dark and that moment it chose to start raining.

"Aren't you surprised that Peyton asked to see ya today?" Skillz suddenly asked and Lucas smiled before knocking on the front door.

"Skillz, I'll be surprised if Peyton knew about us coming for dinner before we knew."

Larry opened the door and the conversation stopped. Both Lucas and Skillz thanked Larry for the invitation and Skillz gave him the chocolate cake he was holding, making Larry grin widely.

"Peyton loves dark chocolate, thank you ah, Skillz?" He was truly confused. He didn't know the boy, Peyton had so many friends and Larry's job kept him away most of the time. He was better than the Pete boy, unless he had a tattoo somewhere.

"Yeah, dawg, I mean…Mr. Sawyer," Skillz said with embarrassment. He didn't want to give the wrong impression here but Larry just smiled.

"That's okay Skillz, I'm 'dude' most of the time anyway," he smiled at Skillz and then he called Peyton's name but he didn't get an answer. "I don't know if she's sleeping or if she has her headphones on. Better go see."

"My fault," Lucas said and help up the CD he had brought for Peyton as he started toward the stairs.

"By the way, you'll have to wait five or ten minutes for dinner," Larry's voice was apologetic and both boys rushed to say that they didn't had a problem with that before continuing to Peyton's room.

Skillz followed Lucas since he had never been to Sawyer house before. He could tell that they were not loaded but they definitely did well. Most of the things were new, like the TV set or the home cinema. He remembered what had happen and stopped himself from making a comment to Luke. The TV was new because someone had stolen the old one.

And hurt Peyton in the progress.

"Peyton? Peyt?" Lucas called before opening the door to Peyton's bedroom. He was surprised to find the door closed and stood there for a few moments, not knowing if it was okay to step inside without an invitation from Peyton.

"Are ya going in, dawg, or what?"

"Yeah…yeah," Although there was a part of him that felt like he shouldn't be going into her room, a part of him that felt like he was intruding, he chose to turn the knob and push the door open anyway. It had been a while since Luke last stood in Peyton's room and the first thing he noticed was that the walls had been painted a different color. His first instinct was to remark on the fact that Peyton's room was always changing, but he thought better of it when he considered the reason behind the new paint job.

"Hey Luke," he heard her voice right next to him and jumped instinctively. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"

It was the first time he had seen her in ten days and she looked…better than before. The bruises of her face had faded to a light green and swelling around her nose had gone down drastically. Her eyes still had dark circles under them, however Lucas was glad to see that the old spark was back. His Peyton was back and he couldn't be happier about that.

"What's up homewrecker?"

"Hey Skillz, enjoying yourself?" she smiled and Lucas frowned when he saw her limping a little.

"Is your leg okay?" that wasn't the way he planned to greet the friend he had been longing to see for almost two weeks, but he couldn't stop the concern that invaded his mind when he saw her limping. For him it was just instinct to make sure she was okay.

"I'm glad to see you too," she said, and sensing that she probably didn't want him to start the investigation right away, Lucas hugged her.

"Now," he said after he pulled back from the hug, "Is your leg okay?"

Peyton laughed. "Dude, you are unbelievable."

"Ya better answer his question. The brother can be a real pain in the ass, if ya know what I mean?" Skillz walked between them, holding a record in his hands. "Nina Simone, the girl has taste dawg," and elbowed Lucas with his left arm.

"Kids, food is ready," Larry informed them from downstairs.

**TBC...**


	8. All this and more

The Next Day.

"Thank you for coming." Larry gave Karen a cup of tea and took a sip from his coffee before adding, "And thank you for coming, too." 

Lucas smiled and looked back at his mom. It wasn't every day that your mom asked you to skip school, not that he was complaining. He was just curious. And he was more curious now that they were drinking and chatting at the Sawyer's house.

"I would have come to take Peyton this morning…but my mom beat me." Karen looked at Larry first and then she turned to look at her son. 

"Why don't you go see if Peyton's awake?" his mother said, but Lucas wasn't so sure if his mother really cared about Peyton's sleeping habits or if she just wanted him out of the room. Knowing his mother, it was the later, but he did as he was told and left the room with as little noise as possible. Karen watched her son for a while and then she turned her attention back to Larry. He looked like he hadn't had a good night of sleep for a while now.

"Are you leaving again?" she asked, the thing that was bothering her since his phone call early that morning.

"My mother, she suffered a minor heart attack last night." He looked to see if the kids were near and then he continued, "Peyton doesn't know about that and I will not tell her. Mom's okay but I have to go and see her and…"

Karen stopped him from telling more with a simple, "Peyton can stay with us, I'm sure that Lucas doesn't mind, and I really don't mind having her around. It's nice actually, to have another female in the house, doing girly stuff…oh Larry, I'm so sorry."

Larry smiled, assuring her that it was okay but saying nothing for a couple of minutes, and Karen was about to kick herself when he finally spoke.

"After Anna's death, I didn't date for over two years. Peyton wasn't ready and I wasn't ready as well. After a while, I was more of a single father rather than a widowed man."

"And a few years go by and that's all you are," Karen said, to which Larry nodded.

"I never brought any of my female friends here and I just realized that I should have. I wasn't afraid for Peyton's heart, I was afraid for mine."

Meanwhile, upstairs, Lucas was watching Peyton's sleeping form and he didn't know if he was more surprised by her clothes, where she slept or by her freshly cut hair. He decided that it was a combination of all three.

And then he noticed her make up.

On one hand, he was glad that she was wearing make up. It was a sign that she was coping with what had happened and trying to be as she was before. Lucas knew that it would take time, but Peyton was a strong woman and he had no doubt that she was going to be okay.

On the other hand, her make up and clothes bothered him. She was known to wear band t-shirts, but if she had passed him on the streets today he wouldn't have recognized her.

Wasn't she the one that had said you didn't have to wear black or to have your nails painted black to be punk? He liked the fact that Peyton was confident enough to wear a Motorhead t-shirt to school, and he also liked her mini skirts. The ones that let her long legs be free to watch.

Wait…where had that come from? Maybe the fact that he had been looking at her legs for the past hour had something to do with that. Feeling guilty for his thoughts (he was in love with Brooke, he was in love with Brooke), he tried to wake her by clearing his throat, an action that did nothing to wake Peyton.

"Peyton, hey Peyt." She stirred and if she wasn't sleeping in the chair in front of where her computer used to be, he would had found that cute. But he didn't, and not because he was in love with Brooke. A grimace of pain in her face had all his attention.

He tried again. "Hey Peyton, it's me, Lucas."

She opened her eyes but Lucas could see that she wasn't fully awake. "Luke?" she said and tried to wipe the sleep from her eyes. She let out a yawn and (carefully) stretched her body.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, good morning to you too."

Another yawn. "You were supposed to get me to school this morning?" 

"What? You thought that I would let you alone in your first day back to school?" She was somewhere between sleep and reality and Lucas took advantage of that by teasing her softly.

"To tell you the truth, I was waiting for Nathan," she explained. "He wanted to throw me a party. I really don't need a party." Her tone wasn't angry, but more tired and Lucas had to ask.

"Are you okay? I mean, do you have any problems? Did you eat? Did you sleep well? Are you in pain?" He would have asked more but Peyton start laughing, and Peyton didn't laugh often. So he stopped to listen her laugh. God knew it had been a while.

"Too early for questions?" he smiled shyly.

"No. Just too many questions."

"So, what's with the new look?" He changed the subject, respecting her silent request for privacy.

"I needed a change. Plus my mood has been kinda dark the last few weeks. Months…year," she joked. Despite the light tone of her voice, Lucas knew that what she had said was true.

"So, what do you think?" She did a small circle around herself.

She was standing now and he could appreciate her outfit a little better. She was wearing jeans that were so tight to her body that Lucas was starting to worry if she was breathing well. A black shirt with low sleeves and a lonely red star in the left side. A red tie. A triple S belt. She was wearing a leather wristband on her right arm (the left had the cast) and a Green Day grenade with a logo dog tag around her neck.

So not Peyton.

But what was even more surprising was her make up. Dark eye shadow, black mascara, and black eye liner that framed the green of her irises, making her eyes look like they belonged to a cat. He didn't like her new look, but he couldn't deny that she looked beautiful. 

"You're beautiful," he said, and she snorted.

"Yeah, the green bruise of my cheek matches with the green of my eyes." 

"No, listen to me," he touched her arm and (gently) forced her to look at him. "You're beautiful. Honesty."

Peyton looked at him for a moment before jerking her arm free, swallowing hard, not knowing which hurt the most. Her body from the suddenly movement, or her heart.

"We need to get going."

Lucas nodded and took her new messenger bag and was ready to follow her down when he stopped her. "I have something to give you. It's in the car."

"Tell," she commanded, but her tone was light.

"It's not a big thing, okay? I want you to have my old CD walkman. I wanted to give you my iPod but Skillz can't find it."

"You lent your iPod to Skillz?"

"Yeah," he admitted.

"Oh Lucas, you're an idiot!" Realizing what she had just said, Peyton put a hand over her mouth in an attempt not to burst in laughs.

"I know, and it's okay, you can laugh all you want."

The iPod conversation took them all the way to the kitchen. Larry's smile turned in a thin line when he saw his daughter but he didn't say a thing. Karen, on the other hand, was ready to say something when a warning signal from her son stopped her.

"Hey Peyton, you look…like Billy Joe Armstrong," she finally said. Karen wasn't a fan of the group but her son was, and they did have some songs that she liked. A little.

"Thanks." Peyton's smile was wide and unique.

"That wasn't a compliment," Karen whispered to Larry but he just shook his head before handing Peyton a cup of fresh orange juice. He wasn't sure if it was because of Lucas (he hoped it was), but Peyton took the cup and drank it without protesting.

Peyton wasn't thirsty or hungry, if she was honest with herself the thought of food made her sick, but she needed to see if her father would continue to play the role of the 'carrying dad' or if he would treat her as an adult and told her that he was leaving.

"Uh, Peyt, I need to go for a couple of days," she left the cup down and turned to see him, sensing that his words hide something, "Grams not feeing well and"

"What? Why you did tell me earlier?"

"She's fine!" Larry half lied; he's mother was going to be fine, "I'll go for a couple of days just to see if she needs anything. Knowing my mother she will put me to re paid the house," Peyton smiled but still Larry could see that the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"You are going to stay with us until Larry's back."

Lucas looked at her mom and then he looked at Peyton. He didn't had a problem giving his room to a friend in need but this was Peyton we were talking about. If Brooke didn't want him to even talk with Peyton, Lucas could only imagine what she could thing now. Frankly he didn't care. Much.

"We'll be roommates," giving her his best smile.

"Or maybe you'll sleep at the couch," Karen warned.

"Or maybe I'll sleep at the couch."

After they arrange whom was going to sleep with whom and where, Larry decided that it was about time for them to go to school. Peyton kissed her dad, not for goodbye since he would be back to the end of the week but still the feeling of leaving was too strong to avoid.

"Kiss Gramma for me, okay? And tell her that I'm going to call to check on her."

Getting to the car, Lucas noticed that Peyton's moves were without strength. "You okay?" he asked and Peyton, taking two pills from a small bottle, nod. She swallowed the pills with no more than three sips of water, a move that was an evidence of doing that a lot.

"For the pain?" he asked starting the engine.

"Vicodin. Best thing ever."

"Peyton…" last years events were still fresh in Lucas mind.

"I'm taking them with doctor's orders, you know" her voice angry, yet still low, "plus I think that I already learned my lesson, thank you very much!"

Sensing her anger Lucas decided that it was for the best if he kept his mouth shut. Peyton didn't need much to blow these days. Instead of talking, he gave her his walkman and a CD with songs that he knew she would like. She was the music guru of the town but he could tell a good tune if he heard one.

Meanwhile at the school Brooke was walking with Haley and thinking that despite being a bad best friend, Peyton at least was interesting. Not that Haley was boring but how much one person could talk about math? Peyton knew her fashion as good as she knew her history.

Haley," Brooke stopped the other girl, "can you stop for a while? My head is going to explode with all those numbers."

Haley stopped and waited for Brooke to say something or at least to start a conversation but she did none of them. Something was bothering Brooke, Haley could tell that much but she waited until the brunette was ready.

She wasn't so sure if Brooke knew that today was Peyton's first day back to school and decided that a warning would do harm. "She's coming back today."

"Peyton?"

"Yes, Peyton. Nathan talked with her last night. He said that she's not so happy coming back."

"She wasn't so happy coming back after the shooting too" Brooke was the only one to know about that. Peyton never wanted to be anything more than herself and the days after the shooting she wasn't just Peyton. She was 'the girl that survived' or 'the one that lived'. Brooke had asked (in a not so ladylike way) from people to stop calling her best friend like that and after a while (and a few blackmails later) the comments stopped.

"I understand her. I mean, I thought that touring was hard but walking the school's holes was harder," sharing this information was not easy for Haley. That tour almost destroyed her marriage but at the end, she had Nathan.

"You had Nathan. She has Lucas."

Not believing what she just heard Haley jumped the opportunity to say few things to Brooke.

"She can have Nathan too! God Brooke, how can you be so harsh with her? She's your best friend, no, she _was_ your best friend and I don't care about what happened between us. Keep it for yourselves but cut the girl some slack."

Brooke rolled her eyes and guided tutor wife out of willing ears. Walking inside the first door she could find and making sure that they were the only two person around, Brooke turned to Haley and with a very serious voice said, "I think that Lucas is best with Peyton."

"Wait…what?" Haley didn't expect that and her shock was evident in her face.

Two classrooms away, Nathan and Skillz were in some deep conversation. Nathan, being taller by a lot, had to sit to be in the same level with the other boy. He needed Skillz help, not that he would stop him if he refuge to help.

"So let me get that straight. Ya want to do what dawg?" Skillz wasn't so thrilled hearing Nathan's plan but on the other hand, he couldn't sit in his hands and watch.

"Come on Skillz. It's Peyton we're talking about. What if it was your sister? Or Bevin? Or your mother? I was watching a movie with Haley the other night and I couldn't stop thinking that it could be her. She could be Haley in Peyton's shoes man, and you know what? If the police don't catch them there is a change that she might be."

"I like skinny girl and all but"

"Fine! If you're out I'll do it myself," Nathan was ready to leave the room when a familiar voice stopped him.

"I'm in." Closing the door behind him Mouth walked holding something to his hands. He gave the object to Nathan and waited for a reaction. When he got none he explained "It's one of Peyton's CDs. I bought it from a guy for five dollars. It's import and they only person I know that owned a CD from this band was Peyton."

"Means nothing," Skillz cut him but feeling his anger grow, "that CD could be in a stock or something like that."

"Maybe. But I know that it's Peyton's CD because she had give it to me for a while. I scratch it and I was afraid of what she was going to do to me," both Nathan and Skillz snorted with that, "so I gave her the CD couple of hours before her attack. Care to guess what that CD has?"

"A scratch!" Nathan said holding the CD up so they could see the tiny, yet visible scratch. "They are selling her life for a few dollars, man."

Skillz left a sigh and licked his lips. "Tell us your plan again dawg."


End file.
